protective_logic | GFH IC Contact

Honey, you remember when I said I was afraid you were going to do something drastic without thinking it through and hurt yourself? What I really meant was I am getting real sick of you throwing temper tantrums when you don't get your way, hurting people and leaving me a mess to clean up.

Congratulations on once again using a patronizing term that was originally used to imply lesser value for women. Next I expect you'll be calling me sweetie. Way to go.

Yes, I may be hurt, but what I did was my own decision, not your business, and not a mess to be cleaned up by anyone.

Cupcake, you're so wrong on so many levels. Of all the stunts you've pulled, this is right up there with running away from home and dumping everything on Sigma. I don't care what the hell you do, I'm busy taking care of my new brother, try to stay out of the hospital and not hit the kids when they ask where Maine is.

He's not your brother, I'm not a cupcake, and fuck you, you have no place talking about my decisions about MY relationship at ALL!

All I'm saying is that I don't know if I can trust you with my children because you are cruel and irrational. Maybe I better call Beta, ask her to take the twins and Theta for a few days. Since I'm busy taking care of a good man you hurt in a childish fit of temper because you didn't get your way. Again.

They aren't your children, and you can't take them away from me, not when I'm the only one willing to give things up to protect them. You and Sigma are the ones that put them in danger with all of this bullshit. You're the one that brought these people into our lives. And I'm the one that has to say it's gone too far.

You do not get to blame this on me! Not when it's Sigma's fault, the whole thing was her and Sigma, I had nothing to do with it! Is that what this is? You're punishing her brother because she ran away?

And don't talk to me about giving things up for them you know damn well what I've given up, you can guess what I would have if I hadn't been beaten to the punch, don't blame me when for once it's not my fault!

I'm not punishing him! God, you're acting like he's the only one hurting because of this. But whatever, you put him first because that's always what you do. There is a reason I didn't tell you any of this. Because you'd never even begin to understand why I did what I did, why I had to, why it's important for everyone.

What I give up to protect our family is my decision. That's our JOB, Omega. To give them what they need. And they need less risks, not more.

Then explain it to me! Because if it's so damn terrible, why did you do it? What risk could there possibly have been?

Not that it's going to matter to you, but I did the math. Each mercenary connection our family forms increases the chance of injury or worse to one of us by unreasonable amounts. And since the rest of you doesn't seem to care about that, or want to do that, I have to give up the one thing I want more than anything.

And I can't be a fair partner to him anyway. He and I can never be together. I'm never allowed to be with him and my hand started bleeding again while I was doing the dishes but you're yelling at me because I'm apparently the worst person ever for doing what we've always done. What you've always told me to do. Taught me to do. Put them before me. Always put them and what they need before me. How am I the only one that remembers any of this.

Why are you bleeding?

He... he made me take his earrings. I couldn't stop holding them. So tight. The spike or whatever broke the skin. They're covered with blood and that's my fault too. Everything will always be my fault. Want to lecture me on that too?

No, I think I'll go beat my head at a brick wall some. Of course things are your fault if you go around intentionally breaking them! Why are you such a child? Why do you keep doing this to everyone? If Sigma and I quit, would you take him back? Because I think that's what you really want. I think you're throwing Maine under the bus because you don't like what Sigma and I do. Well, just Sigma, really, because everyone knows what you think of me.

[Yes, in a heartbeat he'd take Maine back. Except he can't.]

I'm protecting our family.

This is not protecting our family! Maine is not a danger to our family! I was going to ask Maine a favor today. I was going to ask him to pick Theta up from school so kids won't pick on him. Because Maine ...
Maine is who Alpha should be.

He is, that I'll give you. But he's not our family. He'll never be our family. No matter how much I may want it. And no matter how much I love him, I have to recognize how he could ruin us, just like Louisiana did. Just like always happens.

No one got hurt like this before we started meeting mercenaries, Omega. Everyone was safe. How do you not see that?

What about Alpha and Beta? They got taken away.

Epsilon got shot and the only thing that had to do with mercenaries was Maine rescuing him. Your implants died and mercenaries lent us the money and helped us after your surgery.

And just because me and Sigma hadn't beem hurt yet doesn't mean we were safe.

Please stop. If you want to lecture me, tell me how unfair it was ever ever lead him on, because being in a relationship with someone where you can't really commit to them for thirteen years is cruel. Tell me how cowardly I am to do it just after our anniversary. Point out how kind and supportive he's been to me and how I bailed out the second things got hard for him.

If you're going to be an asshole, at least do it by echoing all the things that are already cycling in my head. I'd prefer a new voice to my self-loathing.

Otherwise just stop. Because there is nothing you can say or do that will hurt more than knowing I was never going to be good enough for him. That I could never be what he deserved. That I will never know happiness or joy like he gave me ever again.

I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to understand how you and I can come to such fundamentally different conclusions with the same data.

The conclusions have ceased to matter, Omega.

If you grovel sufficently, he might take you back.

I don't think he would, Omega. He gave me his earrings. He...

I don't think he would. It would be below him to do so, and I wouldn't deserve it if he did.

You could always ask. What's the worst that could happen?

He has any scrap of self respect and tells me what I deserve to hear.

And how would you be worse off?

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