GFH IC Contact

[protective_logic]

If you're hearing this message that means I'm not available at the moment.
So if you'd please leave your contact info and your message I'll get back to you at the first possible moment.
If there is a family related emergency, just keep trying until you get through.

Comments

[protective_logic]

Not that it's going to matter to you, but I did the math. Each mercenary connection our family forms increases the chance of injury or worse to one of us by unreasonable amounts. And since the rest of you doesn't seem to care about that, or want to do that, I have to give up the one thing I want more than anything.

And I can't be a fair partner to him anyway. He and I can never be together. I'm never allowed to be with him and my hand started bleeding again while I was doing the dishes but you're yelling at me because I'm apparently the worst person ever for doing what we've always done. What you've always told me to do. Taught me to do. Put them before me. Always put them and what they need before me. How am I the only one that remembers any of this.

[baruthumos]

Why are you bleeding?

[protective_logic]

He... he made me take his earrings. I couldn't stop holding them. So tight. The spike or whatever broke the skin. They're covered with blood and that's my fault too. Everything will always be my fault. Want to lecture me on that too?

[baruthumos]

No, I think I'll go beat my head at a brick wall some. Of course things are your fault if you go around intentionally breaking them! Why are you such a child? Why do you keep doing this to everyone? If Sigma and I quit, would you take him back? Because I think that's what you really want. I think you're throwing Maine under the bus because you don't like what Sigma and I do. Well, just Sigma, really, because everyone knows what you think of me.

[protective_logic]

[Yes, in a heartbeat he'd take Maine back. Except he can't.]

I'm protecting our family.

[baruthumos]

This is not protecting our family! Maine is not a danger to our family! I was going to ask Maine a favor today. I was going to ask him to pick Theta up from school so kids won't pick on him. Because Maine ...
Maine is who Alpha should be.

[protective_logic]

He is, that I'll give you. But he's not our family. He'll never be our family. No matter how much I may want it. And no matter how much I love him, I have to recognize how he could ruin us, just like Louisiana did. Just like always happens.

No one got hurt like this before we started meeting mercenaries, Omega. Everyone was safe. How do you not see that?

[baruthumos]

What about Alpha and Beta? They got taken away.

Epsilon got shot and the only thing that had to do with mercenaries was Maine rescuing him. Your implants died and mercenaries lent us the money and helped us after your surgery.

And just because me and Sigma hadn't beem hurt yet doesn't mean we were safe.

[protective_logic]

Please stop. If you want to lecture me, tell me how unfair it was ever ever lead him on, because being in a relationship with someone where you can't really commit to them for thirteen years is cruel. Tell me how cowardly I am to do it just after our anniversary. Point out how kind and supportive he's been to me and how I bailed out the second things got hard for him.

If you're going to be an asshole, at least do it by echoing all the things that are already cycling in my head. I'd prefer a new voice to my self-loathing.

Otherwise just stop. Because there is nothing you can say or do that will hurt more than knowing I was never going to be good enough for him. That I could never be what he deserved. That I will never know happiness or joy like he gave me ever again.

[baruthumos]

I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to understand how you and I can come to such fundamentally different conclusions with the same data.

[protective_logic]

The conclusions have ceased to matter, Omega.

[baruthumos]

If you grovel sufficently, he might take you back.

[protective_logic]

I don't think he would, Omega. He gave me his earrings. He...

I don't think he would. It would be below him to do so, and I wouldn't deserve it if he did.

[baruthumos]

You could always ask. What's the worst that could happen?

[protective_logic]

He has any scrap of self respect and tells me what I deserve to hear.

[baruthumos]

And how would you be worse off?

[protective_logic]

Because I'll know with absolute certainty that I really am the cruel, worthless, miserable speck of a man that is going to be alone forever and deserves that without a doubt.

[baruthumos]

At least then you won't be tortured by hope.

[protective_logic]

I don't think there is a drop of hope left in me for anything. So please, just let me be.

[baruthumos]

I'm still mad at you. Maine's my friend. Why did you hurt my friend?

[protective_logic]

Because I want to protect our family.

[baruthumos]

Again. From what? We already have to protect them from twin-stealing ninjas and my punch-clock evil ex girlfriend. What could Maine bring to us that would need extra precautions?

[protective_logic]

I told you, I did the math. An increase in mercenary contact and relations increases physical risk to our family. Numbers don't lie.

[baruthumos]

What's the standard deviation and the speficity?

[protective_logic]

[Attached: Pages and pages of documents and calculations leading to a clear and marked conclusion that mercenaries equal danger. But a lot of the quantifying is done in obscure, high end theoretical math.]

And you yet again ignore the fact that it's not that simple. It's not just that. I was never right telling him that I expected him to be mine, only mine, and ignore the fact that the same wasn't true from me. I was always first and foremost belonging to the Ai family and our needs. He was never first. Could never be first. Not for thirteen years.