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[protective_logic]

If you're hearing this message that means I'm not available at the moment.
So if you'd please leave your contact info and your message I'll get back to you at the first possible moment.
If there is a family related emergency, just keep trying until you get through.

Comments

[shipitsupersonic]

Your family loves you.

[protective_logic]

That's not the same. You get that, right? Familial love isn't the same.

[shipitsupersonic]

I've never known any other kind.

[protective_logic]

I have. And... I miss it.

[shipitsupersonic]

Is it true? That it's better to have it and lose it than never know it?

[protective_logic]

No. I could have lived my life and never known this pain. It's more consuming than the joy. The joy becomes your life. The pain as well. The pain eats me up inside.

[shipitsupersonic]

I'm sorry.

[protective_logic]

It's...

[A short, bitter laugh.]

I almost said it's okay. But it's not. It's terrible. And he's a fucking hypocrite. I can't think of someone who has more reason to believe in second chances than him, and look at him not giving one.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to put this on you. I will stop. Once this storm lets me free.

[shipitsupersonic]

What's with him and second chances?

Don't stop. Tell me everything. I want to hear it.

[protective_logic]

He... one could say that the entire life he lives now is a second chance. But it isn't my story to tell.

It's a story I grow tired of remembering. Why can't I just be happy about all the positive changes he made in my life? Why must I be so greedy as to want to have it back?

[shipitsupersonic]

Because it was yours, and it was a good thing, and it's not fair you had to lose it.

[protective_logic]

I'm the one that destroyed it. It's fair to myself to suffer for my own decisions.

[shipitsupersonic]

You didn't destroy it for fun, though.

[protective_logic]

Nor for any intelligent reason really.

[shipitsupersonic]

I thought your family was in danger?

[protective_logic]

I... made a pretty serious mistake on that front. He made us safe. He loved me. And how did I repay him?

[A small, pained sigh comes, and silence for almost a full minute.]

Is it sad that if he asked it, I'd do anything to win him back?

[shipitsupersonic]

It's not sad at all.

[protective_logic]

Guess it's a blessing that he doesn't want me.

[shipitsupersonic]

I don't understand how he couldn't want you.

[protective_logic]

It's extremely common. But I betrayed his trust, failed to properly communicate, and broke my word to him. It makes perfect sense that he no longer sees value in me.

Hell, I wasn't really sleeping with him either, so that probably didn't help.

[shipitsupersonic]

Does he not understand forgiveness?

Honestly, it didn't. Sex means nothing. Sleeping is an entirely different thing. To trust someone when you're vunerable, to be helpless next to them...sleeping just in the same room is so much more than just sex.

[protective_logic]

So I hurt him more. The... sex wasn't frequent, but we shared a bed twice a week when we could.

[Good to know he fucked up more than he thought.]

[shipitsupersonic]

Oh. Well.

I see value in you.

[protective_logic]

And the way you treat me like I'm worth something makes me feel better sometimes. It's why you're a good friend.

[shipitsupersonic]

You are worth something, though. You...don't know what I'd be doing without you.