Journal Entry [0017]
Jun. 24th, 2015 11:13 pmI know I've told Epsilon and Sigma and Roxy and...
The thing is I don't even remember if I told Omega anymore. If I told him how it upsets me then it adds insult to injury. If I didn't then he was just callous about something I have been upset by in the past.
The sad thing is that I can't even respond. If I address what he said it continues the conversation, the insults, and the sickness in my stomach. The ache. The everything. If I bring it up with Maine I'm running to make him seem like a bad guy. If I talk to Tex then I'm running to her to prove he's a bad person. If I turn to Sigma I fail to show the strength I'm trying to encourage in him, and make things awkward all over again while upsetting him. Epsilon has his own problems. Everyone else is too young.
So instead I have to try and forget it. Try and let it not bother me. Try to ignore the sourness of my stomach and the terrible taste in my mouth, and I have to deal with everything while he has a hissy fit.
The twins are crying, Theta has tried to crawl under my bed and Gamma... is doing whatever he does when there is anger in the house.
And I have to try and pick up the pieces I sent falling by not having Sigma prove himself before talking to Omega. Clearly I made a mistake. I just have to figure out how to be better in the future.
The thing is I don't even remember if I told Omega anymore. If I told him how it upsets me then it adds insult to injury. If I didn't then he was just callous about something I have been upset by in the past.
The sad thing is that I can't even respond. If I address what he said it continues the conversation, the insults, and the sickness in my stomach. The ache. The everything. If I bring it up with Maine I'm running to make him seem like a bad guy. If I talk to Tex then I'm running to her to prove he's a bad person. If I turn to Sigma I fail to show the strength I'm trying to encourage in him, and make things awkward all over again while upsetting him. Epsilon has his own problems. Everyone else is too young.
So instead I have to try and forget it. Try and let it not bother me. Try to ignore the sourness of my stomach and the terrible taste in my mouth, and I have to deal with everything while he has a hissy fit.
The twins are crying, Theta has tried to crawl under my bed and Gamma... is doing whatever he does when there is anger in the house.
And I have to try and pick up the pieces I sent falling by not having Sigma prove himself before talking to Omega. Clearly I made a mistake. I just have to figure out how to be better in the future.
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