protective_logic (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
protective_logic) wrote2015-03-30 09:57 pm
protective_logic) wrote2015-03-30 09:57 pm
Entry tags:
GFH IC Contact
If you're hearing this message that means I'm not available at the moment.
So if you'd please leave your contact info and your message I'll get back to you at the first possible moment.
If there is a family related emergency, just keep trying until you get through.
So if you'd please leave your contact info and your message I'll get back to you at the first possible moment.
If there is a family related emergency, just keep trying until you get through.
no subject
no subject
mb
might have rose colored glasses
i met him in the grocery store
never actually shopped in a store b4
was totes lost
n he showed me how
what id need and stuff like that
i offered to pay him back
he asked if he got parts if i could put together a comp for his lil bro
i think cuz parts are cheaper
then theres other more personal stuff
it has all these parenty vibes
rly tho
what do i kno bout parenty vibes anyway
im not gonna tell u 2 go back
sometimes ppl need space
its healthy
who knows
it might be what u need
dun have 2 feel so trapped anymore
just
itd be sad if u wrecked a relationship thats obvs imp to u?
no subject
When I was fifteen Omega kicked our 'caretaker' out of the house. Our older brother had already disappeared. The man tried to tell us our brother had never existed. And so Omega got rid of him.
I came back from the grocery run and when I got back the caretaker was taking things out. Sigma and Epsilon weren't downstairs watching TV like they always did. Omega's birthday had been three days before. And while the others hid upstairs because of the shouting match he took me aside and he told me things were going to change. That it was our job now. That this was our family and we had to take care of it together.
That we were in this together.
But only he was old enough to get a job. So I was going to be responsible for our siblings and the house while he worked nights at the grocery store and anywhere else. There were still checks coming in, of course. We paid for things. I learned to manage the household. And when I turned eighteen and told him I was going to work, that we'd do this together he said we were already doing it together.
He told me to go to school if I wanted to help. Find a job that way.
So I did. I've spent years going to school for something I hate because he told me to. Because he told me we would do this together. So many decisions between then and now made together. As a team. As if we were parents to our siblings. And it only got harder when the twins were born...
Partnership is important in a family, Roxy. But Omega? He never wanted to share. He gave up everything for us. And decided he would be the only one to do so. But the thing is? He never told me. He expected me to take care of our siblings and the house and our money. But I wasn't really making the important decisions with him. I wasn't allowed that equal vote. And even though I shared the sacrifice by my own will, when I was close to finally being able to be useful outside of the house, he comes up with something else.
He cut me out. And only with that did I recognize that those decisions? The ones he let me make with him? They were never the important ones. I was never a partner to him. I never shared in all of this. I was a younger brother who was a burden, who could shoulder some of his. But in truth we were never a team.
After all of that, after all of that...
To be told I had wasted all the years I spent trying to get an education so I could help provide for my family? To be told he had a better solution that I hadn't even been remotely told of before he'd made the absolute decision? To have my concerns for his life and his safety and what it would to do us to lose him brushed aside and know that nothing I said would ever change his mind, or change him...
Well, how could I stay?
You're old enough for this lesson, Roxy, if you have not learned it already. Some relationships cannot be wrecked, no matter how important they are. Because in the end they aren't relationships. They're abuses. Not physical abuses, but mental ones. They are imbalanced equations, with no solution. Mathematical inequalities where one side will always be lesser. And while that may work in math, nothing destroys the human soul so fast as to discover the side you are on.
no subject
also srsly wondering what bullshit u guys were involved in at this rate
but thats later i think
its bad
what he did
he signed up for somethin dangerous
gotta talk with ur important ppl 4 that
and
god
that actually sounds kind of familiar
who knew omega was a control freak
should have picked it up sooner
but makes sense
actually fits what im hearin
srsly tho
its good ur getting it out
sounds like youve been sitting on it for a while
im sorry he hurt u like that
he shouldnt have
no subject
I've lived too much of what I have in his shadow, and in the shadow of Alpha. I need something else. To be something else. To... be wanted and needed not because I'm the only one there to do something.
And I'll probably need to talk to Sigma the whole way through. Make sure he's not going crazy. Figure out times when I'm free that Meg won't be in the house so I can come over and help a bit.
no subject
i kno its unnecessary
but i dunno sometimes ppl like validation?
it sounds like the right thing to do
everyone deserves to be wanted for who they are
to find their own place
self discovery quests r important
n its good 2 hear ur still in contact with the lil ones
actually ran into sigma n the lil ones n u defs need that cute in ur life
p sure occasional dose of cuteness helps makes everything a bit better
n hopefully omega will get his head out of his ass
control freakness never ends well
n if u ever
i dunno
wanna hang out or do things or need help carrying groceries
still offering on being that helping hand/listening ear thing thing
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
[Feelings all over, THIS FUCKING FAMILY MAN.]
thats right yeah
but uh
okay sry still need 2 write wit u more to read the tone right
but like
did u mean like roommates
occasionally crash cuz u think im a street urchin
or psuedo adoption there
no subject
no subject
ofc i always find the evasive ones
its like a superpower
well
if ur going with like roommate
i do have money
good nuff with computers n supes easy to hide ur age
also i can beat down burglars i guess??
no subject
no subject
un
skullduggery yeah thats the actual name
no subject
But mostly I'm doing it because I know what it's like to (effectively) be an orphan, and I'm learning what it's like to be on my own. Mayhaps I can take some pointers from you.
no subject
i think
hes p understandin of that whole sixteen year old fresh off the boat thing
n it probs would
freak out maybe included depending where his mental state is at
i am good at that whole livin alone thing
tho at least ur probs used to that resource stretching if thats necessary
no subject
no subject
n u did all the house work
...
rly the biggest danger is the silence
at least thatd get 2 me dunno bout u
no subject
no subject
good 2 know
been meaning to learn sign language properly
if u know it?
that might be insensitive
is that insensitive?
no subject
no subject
grew up with some mutes who gave no fucks
still learning how 2 tact better with others not them
no subject
no subject
like a verbal minefield
or txt in this case
it sucks