Journal Entry [0019]
Jul. 24th, 2015 11:18 amThings aren't easy, and I don't know which is worse. The realization Omega seems not to like me, or the fact that I can never have Maine as close as I want.
It hit me recently that there are a lot of steps of a relationship that I can't have. Sigma gets to move out. His boyfriend can visit him and one day if they wanted to, they could move in together. They can spend time together, and sleep in each others' arms.
I can never have that with Maine. I will always be with Omega and Epsilon and the littles. Maybe Epsilon would leave. Maybe Omega will take that base as the center of his operations, but doubt it. There will never be a moment in my life where I can actually see myself waking up in his arms regularly. Never.
And I hate that.
It hit me recently that there are a lot of steps of a relationship that I can't have. Sigma gets to move out. His boyfriend can visit him and one day if they wanted to, they could move in together. They can spend time together, and sleep in each others' arms.
I can never have that with Maine. I will always be with Omega and Epsilon and the littles. Maybe Epsilon would leave. Maybe Omega will take that base as the center of his operations, but doubt it. There will never be a moment in my life where I can actually see myself waking up in his arms regularly. Never.
And I hate that.
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